“Chances are that when someone hates on you, it’s not about you at
all. It’s about them. It’s their fear, their jealously, their boredom, and
their insecurity.” - Unknown Author.
To be insecure
is to have a feeling of uncertainty, a lack of confidence or anxiety about
yourself. It’s a state whereby you have not accepted your own sort of
uniqueness and doubt if you actually have something in you that can benefit
other people or the society at large. This eventually makes you result into a
state of pity that you eventually take out on other people especially in your
relationships. Being insecure could be circumstantial or a continuing pattern
of life from childhood due to an awkward upbringing, mostly. For example, if
your partner lost a loved one or had a fall in life like a broken relationship
or failed an important exam, the corresponding reaction to the event could
manifest through insecurity for some time. But in a situation whereby it has
been a major lifestyle, then it becomes a serious issue which one may not be
able to treat with a quick fix of affection and reassurance that such people
demand. Insecure peeps can only help themselves to a larger extent!
In this
write-up, we shall only examine the signs of insecurity in our partners if we
have one in our lives. It is pertinent to be able to spot the tell-tale signs
early enough to actually know what we are dealing with, in order to aid us in
taking a decision whether to stay back and help him or her overcome or back out
of the relationship.
1. Lack of
Trust
In Joseph
Nowinski’s words, this partner thinks of himself as unworthy, unlovable and of
other people as untrustworthy. When your partner keeps telling you how unworthy
or a failure he or she is and how every other person can’t be trusted for one
reason or the other, then there is a deep-seated insecurity problem which
definitely makes them to keep nursing the impression that you are cheating on
them or still have an eye for your ex, even when you had broken up for a long
time. In extreme cases, such partners could accuse you of having an affair with
a co-worker, church member, neighbour or just accuse you of using him or her as
a second fiddle because he's not good enough for you.
2. Break-Up Threat
This sort of
immature attitude is mostly exhibited by the men. They break up with you or
threaten to do so many times over very little inconsequential issues just to
get you to validate their brittle ego. Not that they really want to let go of
you though, but just to test your commitment. You hear things like, “I don’t
think you love me enough…, I think you are just deceiving me… or I don’t feel
wanted” etc. If you are not smart enough, you will get hooked in that messy
relationship but once you call his bluff, he will begin to know it’s not
business as usual. But then, the insecurity mask is still there and probably
looks for another avenue to express itself.
3. Constant
Stalking and Jealousy
The insecure
partner often feels you are hiding something from him on your mail, phone, or
social media. Whenever you post anything on tweeter, Face book or Instagram,
she is quick to follow it and read meanings to some of the comments and the
post in itself. It becomes worse if you didn’t notify him or her before making
a post about any of your unusual or special events. He may demand for passwords
to any of your social media accounts or stylishly ask to go through your phone
or e-mails. Such partner even demands to know whose call you were receiving or
who you were sending a text message to. And should you decline to feed his or
her curiosity, it will definitely result into cheap blackmail and get messier.
Constant
stalking and jealousy go hand in hand and they happen as a result of insecurity
in partners. They compare the time you spend with friends with what you spend
with them and begin to feel jealous. They can’t understand why you have to hang
out with church members or co-workers after work. Being friendly with an
opposite colleague on a platonic level is a tall order especially if that
colleague of yours looks more attractive or richer. Initially, you may be
enjoying the jealousy as a normal thing, after all we all need a measure of it
in our relationships but as time goes on, you begin to get chocked.
4. Quest for
Constant validation.
Insecure people
are attention seekers who get their self-esteem from other people’s opinion
rather than their inner satisfaction and conviction. An insecure partner would
always want you to tell him or her how beautiful, lovable and valued he or she
is and ask questions if he or she is loved over and over again. Don’t get me
wrong, we all need to be validated but when it comes from an insecure heart, it
usually takes a different turn and becomes difficult to handle. Even when you
assure such partners, they still don’t believe you. To them, it’s just a
flattery or lip service.
5. Control
An insecure
partner will always want to control how you spend your time, money and even
your commitment to your family. He or she wants your day to start and end with
him or her. The whole drama starts with criticism which is aimed at weakening
your individuality. He criticises almost everything about you that is different
from his because he or she feels having you under his or her close monitor and
conformity to his or her ways will lower your risk of cheating. Moreover,
another twist to this is that an insecure partner can’t stand criticism. Such
becomes defensive at the slightest constructive criticism even when there is no
need for that. When next you open up to your insecure partner about an attitude
you want changed, watch it, he or she may take it personally and turn it around
rather than looking inwards to consider a change of attitude.
6. A “YES” Lady
At first, this
might interest you but trust me as time goes on, you get bored at it because it
looks like there is no creativity in the relationship. Your woman will
definitely like all what you like and say yes to every stupid thing you say
even at her own detriment. This is a bid to make sure she satisfies you and no
other woman gets to snatch you away from her. She is bringing nothing to the
table because she relies on you the “almighty” to always supply ideas. Her own
is to follow suit. This is a very strong indication of insecurity.
(C)RealityCheck2017
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