Last week, we laid the
foundation on the topic at hand by explaining that it’s not enough for us to
know and get the will of God in marriage but rather to know the appropriate
ways of managing the will of God. Let it be known to everybody that you can actually get the will of God and still
mess him or her up in the long run; so what’s the need if I may ask?
For everything in life,
there are principles and standards put in place to make things work irrespective
of the level at which things are. In the next few days, we shall be talking
about other things (principles) that make the will of God remain His will and work
beautifully well in marriages, whether God spoke to you or not.
The first question we need
to ask ourselves irrespective of how much we have prayed or heard God speak to us
is, how much of the opposite sex do we really know in general terms? Knowledge
is everything in life. If you are going to live with a pet in your house for
example, you need to know about the pet. You have to know about the nutrition
because giving a cat what a dog eats could end up in undernourishment for such
a pet. The same way for ladies; have you studied to understand the psychology
behind men’s behaviour in general terms even long before you start considering
marriage? Do you even know on the surface what actually appeals to a man and
what gets him tuned off? Are you familiar with the way men want to be addressed
and affirmed? Do you know the most important things in life to an average guy?
The same thing goes for the
guys. How much of the female gender do we know in general terms? It’s not just
enough for us to draw our conclusions and develop certain attitudes against
women based on experiences we had, especially in our past relationships. We
have to know how women want to be loved, addressed, seen and treated. When God says that women are the weaker
vessels, have we tried to find out by ourselves what that really means or do we
think it’s based on the physical strength? Let’s study to learn playing by the
rules of the game because “thus sayeth the Lord” alone won’t handle some things
in our marriages!
If you have not taken care
of this aspect, it’s not too late, start doing something; grab books that talk
about gender characteristics and read. Stop living an isolated life, come out
of your shell and mix with people especially the opposite sex. Nobody gets to
understand something or somebody by keeping such at arm’s length, you have to be
friendly with your colleagues in the offices, neighbours, brethren in churches
and mosques, gist with your cousins, uncles, family friends etc. Stop walking
home alone after service and stop going for lunch alone in the office. When
there is an intelligent discussion going on in your office, politely come in
with your own thoughts and ideas. Stop being too spiritual, it destroys! None
of these things will land you in the hospital bed, rather, they add more value
to your life.
When we have laid the
foundation to understanding the opposite sex in general, then we move on with
the help of God to understand the peculiar characteristics of that particular
guy or lady we are dealing with. This is where God’s help really comes in
because the heart of man is desperately wicked…..It takes God to make you see
what you need to see in your prospective husband or wife in order to make a
decision. However, because you have had a general idea of how the opposite sex
works, you have an edge already.
Take time to study that guy
or that lady you are dating or courting (whatever the case may be) and never
take anything for granted. There are some things he or she grew up with that
you have to put up with for some time. For example, for the fact that you grew
up knowing your father to always be in his best moods every morning doesn’t
mean your man should be! You could have been hooked to a man that is always
dull in the early hours of the day but as the sun begins to rise, his spirit comes
alive as well. Also, your babe couldn’t have been able to make soup with the
exact taste your mother for over three decades was making it. Allow her some time
to do it her own way and study where you reckon she needs to be corrected.
If you don’t make conscious
effort to study your partner to an appreciable level of understanding , no
matter what God has said to you (if He ever spoke anyway), there could be
terrible issues that might eventually lead to the two of you parting ways at
the end of the day. By then, God would have been tagged a liar which shouldn’t be.
If God has spoken to you about whom to marry (how I wish he really speaks) and
it’s confirmed, that’s not the end, it’s just a starting point for you. You
have a great task before you to study with patience and understand your
partner. Don’t forget, through wisdom is a house
built but understanding establishes it.
We continue with other points tomorrow. Please keep following me here. Thank you.
(C) rwnomoreloss 2012
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